To Fall for the Second Time

Job and I talked over the phone last night.

If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you would understand how special those phone calls are.

And in a different kind of long-distance relationship like ours, where we both agreed to minimize communicating in order to grow in our personal relationships with the Lord first, these phone calls are almost like a piece of heaven on earth.

We do talk every week, but last night's talk left a different impression on me. I don't know.  We didn't talk about anything new or anything really "special." In fact, all we did was the usual: updated each other, listened to Yuri talk and sing, talk some more, laughed. But, I don't know. I felt like I was really contented to just keep quiet and listen to him drone on and on about mundane stuff.

And when we laughed together, I felt more than the usual longing that I feel every time we talk. That night, I almost felt my heart jump. For the first time (in forever?), I finally understood what heartstrings were and how they can be tugged by such a normal thing as laughter.

I felt I was falling in love with him for the second time.

And I wanted to tell him that because recently, he told me I wasn't being expressive anymore. At first, I took offense but later on realized that he was right. I wasn't thinking of the relationship anymore. It's probably because I felt secure in it, which is good, but security shouldn't mean being lax. So I've been making the effort to be more expressive.

But I discovered that saying "I love you" is much easier than saying "I'm falling in love with you" or "I'm falling in love with you again." For a person like me who is not, by nature, affectionate, while the former comes naturally (and, sometimes, automatically), the latter is actually quite scary.

But I did it. I told him that I could listen to him talk about church, his job, his start-up "mini-farm," what he read in the Bible, and what he loves about Yuri forever. I told him that just listening to him laugh got me all "kilig." Is there even an accurate translation for that? I don't think so hehe.

I told him I think I just fell in love with him again. It's not in my nature to do that, but I did, because he deserves to know that after all these years, he still has that effect on me.

The funny thing is that the night before that, I asked God for clearer guidance for our relationship. God put this thought in my head: Because you asked me to take control of your life, do not worry, for your thoughts and feelings are mine.

And God placed this feeling in my heart for Job for a reason. He even magnified it last night.

Photo: walkuponwaters.tumblr.com

I didn't think it was possible to keep on falling in love with the same person. I thought love was a process. You get interested in a person, you discover his personality, you fall in love, you get to know each other more, and you get comfortable with each other so that you feel as if you've known each other forever. And that's it, a linear process, not a circular one.

But what I just felt last night was wonderful. I felt that God placed the feeling of falling in love again in my heart so that, finally and ultimately, I will stop worrying and realize that this feeling is from Him and nothing is wrong with it.

To be completely honest, though I'm crazy about Job, last night's feeling was less about him and more about God. It was like He was telling me that He wouldn't place such an immense feeling in my heart if He didn't have great plans for the relationship.

Photo: typographicverses.com

What a wonderful promise.

How about you? Have you ever felt the same with the person you love? I'd love to hear your story!

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The Things I'm Thankful For

My current circumstances find me ranting and complaining more often . I don't always do them aloud, but I see them in my planner-diary. I know they happen in my heart, and God knows what's in my heart. Somehow, they don't work for His glory. At the same time, I am getting tired of this spirit of ungratefulness and melancholy, so it needs to be quenched.

I often listed a number of my worries in my planner (and in here), so I'm doing the reverse. Despite the circumstances, I now choose to count my blessings. Praise Jesus!

What are the things I'm thankful for? A lot, actually innumerable, but yesterday was such a beautiful and smooth-sailing day that I felt compelled to write a gratitude post.

I know it's not true that if we are in the Lord, we are exempted from the world's troubles. That's not the way it works. I believe that there are days when we are tested with fire to strengthen our character and, hopefully, glorify God.

However, we are also given days that are smooth-sailing and sweet. They also test our character in a different way, but I'd like to believe they are there to give us a glimpse of what life would be with God and without the effects of sin. Yesterday, I had one of those days, and boy did it feel great!

1. I hope I am not speaking too soon, but my laptop and I were (I think) finally getting along well. And just in time because the 7-day replacement period ends today! Hehe. There's nothing wrong with it, but I was just so used to my old laptop. But I'm very grateful to God for giving me provision to replace my battery-less brownout-unfriendly laptop! 

So this is how it feels to be helpless and frustrated

So this is how it feels to be helpless and frustrated.

I know I sound like an ungrateful brat who couldn't find anything to be thankful for, and I'm apologizing in advance because, in a way, that's true.

However, you need to know where I'm coming from. I'm an unmarried mother who can't legally get support from my child's father. That sounded wrong so let's get that straight. He wants to support us but I can't freely "get" it because we don't have the blessing of my parents yet. It's a long story but I hope you get it. The point is I need to work hard to provide for our needs and wants.

I don't have problems doing so, to be honest. God blessed me with an awesome job so that I can earn while I stay home with Yuri. It's a job that has provided for us for almost three years now. But this daily power interruptions - it's making me feel so frustrated. It's wreaking havoc on my work and personal life.

God knows how much I avoided making public complaints about these brownouts. I tried to keep a cheerful spirit about it and even wrote a positive post about it, but it's so hard. I get worried. I get frustrated. I feel helpless that I can't do anything to alleviate my young son's suffering.

I have a type-A personality so I always have a plan. I always have a backup plan. But I have absolutely no control over this.

You see, we've been experiencing brownouts since March or April but it wasn't really felt because they didn't last long and they were infrequent. Then they became more regular. Then they became longer.

Just recently, we began experiencing two daily brownouts: 1 was 2 hours long and the other was 4 hours long. Imagine not having electricity 6 hours daily during the summer. It was almost untolerable.

Last Tuesday, our power went out at 5pm and didn't come back until 9pm. When the electricity finally came back, we finally settled in for what I thought would be a good night's sleep. Then, at 1am, I woke up because it felt really hot. The power was out again. Poor Yuri was drenched in sweat and I had to change his clothes. Upon doing so, he woke up and got terrified because he recognized it as "bawnout." I don't know why he gets scared because our room is always dark or dimly lit, so I'm guessing he's scared of the heat. The power only returned at 3am.

On the same morning, our power went out again at 10am and returned only at 2pm. Yes, we didn't have electricity during the peak of the summer sun.

Last night, when I was giving Yuri a sponge bath before bedtime, he told me, "Tulog na tayo, takot bawnout." My son, at 2-years old, already understood the concept, anticipated it, and got scared by it. A 2-year old shouldn't be afraid of anything. They should be brave - even to a fault. But somehow, my 2-year old understood that we should get to sleep early before another bout of power interruption occurs again.

To add insult to injury, starting today, we have to suffer 7.5 hours of brownouts daily. That's almost 8 hours. What's next? 10 hours? 24?

Sometimes I fantasize about moving to another place, but that's just what it is: a fantasy. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a fetal position:

Okay, that was just an excuse to include Yuri's adorable photo here. #comicrelief

Kidding aside, I want to say it's unfair. I want to cry foul. Especially when I hear about other areas in the city that don't experience brownouts as long and as frequent as we do. But the reality is that many provinces in Mindanao also experience what we experience, some even worse. I have no right to complain.

But I also have my own reality to worry about. My reality is that my laptop, even if new, can only afford me a little over 2 hours of work. My reality is that, as a freelance worker, I do not get paid if I do not work. My reality is that, as a single mom, this is major bad news.

My reality is that I am alone taking care of Yuri at night. My reality is that I cannot change his sweat-drenched clothes and fan him at the same time. My reality is that I have to hold him carefully when I go downstairs to seek a cooler area in a completely dark night. My reality is that I'm the only one who can appease him when he cries because he's terrified. His tears and sweat combine, and as a mom, I feel oh so terrible. My arms ache when I use the handfan as an attempt to make his sleep comfortable, but I don't even have time - or, frankly, the energy - to think of my own comfort. This is my reality.

Lord, just like how I physically comfort my son, I know You want to spiritually comfort me. And I really do feel Your comforting spirit in the dead of the night. I yearn to seek Your presence as I am alone. I know you know how I feel because You've been through a lot worse. And while You keep reminding me to have a gentle and thankful spirit in these trying moments, You also tell me that it's okay to feel helpless. That I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Well, I really should feel helpless, shouldn't I? After all, it's all out of my control. It's You who are in control and You are in charge.

Lord, it's terribly difficult, but I'll keep holding on to Your promise that, just like how I carry my son downstairs barely seeing anything, You will carry me through every rocky path. Unlike me, though, You see everything, including my future.

If my son can trust me, how can I not trust You?

Finally, I'll hold on to what You keep telling me that all things that happen to me You will use for my good and for Your own Glory.

Amen.

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If You're a Christian, You Need to Believe in a Physical, Literal Resurrection

Photo: http://www.happyeasterday2014.com/

Let me preface this post by saying that after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior almost 4 years ago, that was when I truly, genuinely understood why it is important for us to never forget why a perfect and sinless Son of God had to die for our sins. Remembering this makes me feel so grateful that Jesus died on the Cross to free me from the bonds of my sins and allow me to be as close as I can to the Father.

But the point of this post is not Jesus' death.

It's how he conquered it.

I get bewildered every time I hear other Christians proclaiming something that the Bible clearly does not support. Imagine my surprise when I found out that some believers, even preachers, dismiss the validity and historicity of Jesus' resurrection.

His resurrection is not metaphorical. It is not merely symbolic. No, it's not enough to dismiss the nature of the resurrection because "what matters is that we believe in Jesus." No, it's important to truly understand that it really did happen and that Jesus physically, bodily rose from the dead.

It's not even something we can just "agree to disagree on." If you're a Christian, you have to believe in an actual resurrection. It's non-negotiable.

I have not yet read books to answer this question, but I'll gladly lead you to a blogger I look up to who wrote about the answers. The original post is here, and here are all of the important arguments:

1. Jesus repeatedly predicted his own resurrection (not just his death!). 

A skeptic might say that anyone could predict his own death if he was causing a political uproar at that point in history. But the Gospels each point out at least once that Jesus predicted he would rise after death. Jesus clearly knew it was important that he demonstrate his foreknowledge of the resurrection.

“From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.” (Matthew 16:21)

2. If Jesus predicted resurrection but did not come back to life, he would have either been wrong or an outright liar. If he predicted resurrection and did come back to life, it proves he was God (only God could do that). 

If Jesus was wrong or a liar, that would make him NOT perfect, and therefore NOT God. If Jesus was NOT God, he had no power to die on the cross for our sins, which is literally the heart of Christianity.

Christianity therefore rests on the historical truth of the resurrection.

The fact that Jesus predicted his own resurrection meant that he had to rise or else he was nothing more than a person who lived 2000 years ago and taught people to do some good things.

3. The lives of the apostles bear strong witness to the truth of the literal resurrection. 

We have now established the facts that Jesus predicted his resurrection and that he had to fulfill that prediction in order for him to have been the God he said he was. Now, how do we know he actually did rise from the dead?

Although there are many pieces of evidence for the historical resurrection (see Lee Strobel’s book, “The Case For Christ,” for a great summary), the lives of the apostles after Jesus’ resurrection bear the ultimate witness to it: almost all of the apostles died gruesome martyr deaths for spreading the Gospel of Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Every Christian should understand why this is extremely powerful evidence that the resurrection happened.

It is possible for anyone to be willing to die for a strong belief in something. But no (sane) person would be willing to die for proclaiming a lie. These apostles knew first-hand whether Jesus really was resurrected. If he wasn’t, they would have known that, and would not have been willing to die to proclaim it. If he was, they would know he was nothing less than God, and would have risked everything. This is exactly what they did.

Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 15:14: “And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith.”(See also Acts 17:31, Acts 23:6, Romans 8:34, 1 Peter 1:3.)

In short, Jesus had to be resurrected to prove he was God; it was the ultimate proof because only God is capable of conquering death. Because he was God, and because he lived a perfect sinless life, he was uniquely able to die for our sins, ultimately reconciling us with God through our belief in him.

If you have more time to read - and I think you do since it would be holidays the following days - I also suggest you read this post about Jesus' Resurrection from GotQuestions.org. Here are the arguments highlighted in it:

The First Line of Evidence for Christ's resurrection 

To begin with, we have demonstrably sincere eyewitness testimony. Early Christian apologists cited hundreds of eyewitnesses, some of whom documented their own alleged experiences.

Many of these eyewitnesses willfully and resolutely endured prolonged torture and death rather than repudiate their testimony.

The Second Line of Evidence for Christ's resurrection

A second line of evidence concerns the conversion of certain key skeptics, most notably Paul and James.

The Third and Fourth Lines of Evidence for Christ's resurrection

A third line and fourth line of evidence concern enemy attestation to the empty tomb and the fact that faith in the resurrection took root in Jerusalem. Jesus was publicly executed and buried in Jerusalem. It would have been impossible for faith in His resurrection to take root in Jerusalem while His body was still in the tomb where the Sanhedrin could exhume it, put it on public display, and thereby expose the hoax.

The Fifth Line of Evidence for Christ's resurrection

Finally, a fifth line of evidence concerns a peculiarity of the eyewitness testimony. In all of the major resurrection narratives, women are credited as the first and primary eyewitnesses. This would be an odd invention since in both the ancient Jewish and Roman cultures women were severely disesteemed. Their testimony was regarded as insubstantial and dismissible. Given this fact, it is highly unlikely that any perpetrators of a hoax in 1st Century Judea would elect women to be their primary witnesses.

Let me end this post by borrowing a quotation from Sir Lionel Luckhoo of The Guinness Book of World Records fame for his unprecedented 245 consecutive defense murder trial acquittals:

“I have spent more than 42 years as a defense trial lawyer appearing in many parts of the world and am still in active practice. I have been fortunate to secure a number of successes in jury trials and I say unequivocally the evidence for the Resurrection of Jesus Christ is so overwhelming that it compels acceptance by proof which leaves absolutely no room for doubt.”

Have a meaningful and prayerful holy week, everyone! I used to stop celebrating it thinking that we should remember Jesus' death and victory over it every day, but hey, there must be nothing wrong with having a special time each year meant for us all to remember it.

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Gratitude, Happiness, and Diamonds

I felt like crap yesterday.

And to be honest, I still feel a bit like it today.

In hindsight, when I broke the bathroom's lavatory faucet early in the morning, I should have known more "un-pretty" things would happen. But that would be very superstitious of me, and that wouldn't please God, so let's just chalk it up as the first "un" event.

I wasn't able to do all of my tasks because certain issues were pulling me down.

First, I lent a friend of mine a sizable amount of money more than a month ago. I know, I just don't know how to say no. And I'm confident she'd pay me back until she was hospitalized. She tried paying me half the amount she owed, but her office-mate, whom she asked to deposit for her (since she's in the hospital) took the money away. I'm feeling so bad for her, but at the same time, well, I need the money because Yuri's birthday is coming.

Next, I had a bit of trouble transacting with the human resource personnel of my employer. Uh, no, she just made it clear that I'm not employed under them as stated in the contract. That's not the point since I knew that from the beginning. All I needed was a piece of paper signifying that I'm "working" with them for a bank loan. - INSERT LONG STORY HERE-- Anyway, she didn't need to imply that she doesn't have to procure papers for me because I'm only a "service provider" (all tutors are) because I already know that. That's why I'm very apologetic and not demanding at all. All I needed was some compassion and a clear explanation, but I didn't get them. I know it's not her intention to do so but she made me feel un-valuable to the company.

(Disclaimer: I do enjoy working for this company. This is just an isolated case and I believe it's caused by stress from both parties.)

Finance Friday: Tithing FAQs

I made a mistake.

I made a very recent (this week-ish) mistake in tithing, and this honest mistake led me to write a follow-up post about it. 

Another thing that led me to write this post about tithing were the questions I received from last week's post, and, hey, that's a great thing!

So last Friday, I talked about the reasons why we should want to tithe. Take note that I continue to highlight “want” in my statements. The message I want to relay is this: tithing should be more than a mere obligation. It should root from a deep desire to serve God. Thus, we should want to do it.

I just want to clarify that, before anything else, tithing should be done willingly and not begrudgingly. Perhaps the Filipino phrase, "bukal sa loob," describes it best.

What was that mistake I made? I want to talk about it later in my post, so if you're patient enough, please read through this entire thing first hehe. I promise I'll make it worth your time.

You see, tithing is not like ordinary saving where you take a portion of your income and take it somewhere else. It is something that you need to mull over and pray over. I am, in no means, an expert on tithing but I want to help you (and my sole reason is to bring you to God). To do that, let me share with you the questions I received about tithing.

1. Can I tithe to charity organizations and not the church?

Please, please, please, if you have deeper Biblical knowledge about this, correct me if I'm wrong! What I know is that in the Bible, tithes are meant to be the means of livelihood of the church-workers before anything else. What I understood is that even though tithes are also given to charity, they are, before anything else, meant to feed the church-workers and their families. This means the priority is not charity though it is included.

However, I understand that many are still not rooted to a church. Frankly, I am not yet rooted to a particular church (but let me clarify that this is because of circumstance and NOT by choice). My tithes don't have a regular recipient but I do give to a certain charitable institution sometimes. Now, let me clarify that this institution is run by a Christian church, which means my tithes do benefit the church-workers, too.

In a nutshell: I think that yes, you may give to charity, but to fulfill the Biblical purpose of tithing, it should be one run by a Christian church.

What if God is prompting you to give to an individual? Let's talk about that later.

2. Can tithes be less than 10% of my income?

I am not the best person to answer this because I can be legalistic. However, I want to try. If we base it on the Old Testament, I guess the answer is no. This is because in many verses about tithes, God specifies 10% and not just any portion of the income.

Leviticus 27:32
And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the Lord.

But God is a gracious God and, while He is also just, I feel He would favor Grace over legalism. If you're not used to tithing, I guess you can begin with a smaller portion of your income. Keep in mind that the keyword is "begin." You should eventually be used to tithing until you can give the Biblical 10% - and even more! Don't make stealing from God a habit!

Also, if you commit to give a certain amount to God, remember that this is a regular commitment and not a one-time thing. Again, don't make it a habit to steal from God because the only one who will reap the disadvantages is - wait for it - you!

In a nutshell: 10% is the Biblical standard, but I guess (I'm not sure!) you can begin with a smaller amount. However, you should aim to give what the Lord requires and give whatever you commit to give regularly.

3. What if there's nothing left from my salary to tithe?

Love and Respect in the Family (by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

I have a painful childhood memory which remains fresh in my mind. I was 6 years old and awoke to the sound of my parents fighting. I huddled in bed and waited for the house to calm down. I was crying. Minutes later, my mom went inside the room and sat on an armchair. Sniffling, I snuggled up to her. She asked, "Why are you crying?"

"Because you're fighting. And you didn't even get to tell me 'good morning.'"

My mother held me away from her. I can still remember the disgust in her eyes and the contempt in her tone when she said, "You're so selfish. You're such a bad girl. All you could think of is yourself. How very selfish."

I was 6 years old with no understanding of what I did wrong. To be honest, I still believe I didn't do anything wrong. I love my mother dearly and I'm sure she does, too, but at that moment, I've never felt more unloved.

I still think that's the reason why I have trouble expressing love and affection to my family.

I needed to understand why that little moment made such a big impact on me. It eclipses the other low moments of my life, such as the times I failed to meet my parents' expectations. They're painful, yes, but somehow, I was able to manage the temporary loss of respect on me (for a while). I mean, I was able to bounce back. However, not the same could be said for the moments I felt unloved, and I wanted to know why.

Thankfully, God answered my prayer in the form of a book.

I am very blessed to have received a copy of the book, Love and Respect in the Family, written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, who is an internationally known expert on relationships. I say "blessed" because it opened my mind to the real reason behind the rifts within our families.

To say that this book changed my life is an understatement.

The premise of this book is this: parents and men demand respect while children and women desire to be loved. While both are not mutually exclusive, most conflicts happen when these demands are not met.

When I study the conflicts I've been in, this idea makes so much sense. It's like a light bulb suddenly turned on. Now I understand! Parents get frustrated when they feel they are not respected, while children resent their parents because they feel unloved.

On the other hand, husbands commit sin when they feel their wives don't respect them, while wives get discontented when they don't feel they are being loved. It's a vicious cycle actually. The author even calls it the crazy cycle. 

Come to think of it, everything's already written in the Bible, which makes this book not only credible but also practicable:

For children to respect their parents: Exodus 20:12

For parents to love their children: Psalms 127:3-5

For wives to respect their husbands: Ephesians 5:22-24

For husbands to love their wives: Ephesians 5:25 

The author also offers a very practical guide readers can follow in order to achieve "harmony." The acronym used is GUIDES, and here are the letters' meanings:

G - Give (Not too little and not too much)
U - Understand (Putting yourself in their shoes)
I - Instruct (Not too much but just enough)
D - Discipline (Confront, Correct, Comfort)
E - Encourage (Equipping them to succeed)
S - Supplicate (Praying with confidence!)

What I really like about this book is how it values the imperfection of human relationships. In other books, we are given "tips" on how to handle a clingy child or a secretive husband. If you're looking for tips on how to change another person, well, this might not be for you. However, if you're praying to change yourself, I say that this is a great book to start with.

You see, we always pray to see change in other people. We always pray for them to be more honest, more understanding, more patient. What about ourselves? Change begins in ourselves, and we cannot really do that unless we completely depend on the Lord. This is one of the main points of the book. Human relationships, even in the most ideal families, will never be perfect. However, we can depend on a perfect God whose love is unwavering and unchanging.

Isn't that amazing?

This is life-changing for me because I learned how to treat other people. I can prevent conflict by trying to weigh whether I sound disrespectful or not. I try to avoid being unloving. Finally, I am able to assess my feelings and know when to validate my anger and when to dismiss it.

Of course, I cannot tell you everything I read. The experience is unique because you can read about the cases the writer has handled. You don't need to be a parent to read this and benefit from it. Reading this book does not only teach me how to handle Yuri but also Job, my parents, my siblings, and yes, even the household help. If you are a father, a mother, a daughter, a son, a sister, or a brother, you will benefit from reading this book. 

This just goes to show that every kind of relationship within the family takes work, and you just cannot expect to see results without intentionally treating them with love and respect.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com® book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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What I Learned from our Separation and Love Triangle

Image: kre-do.tumblr.com

Today, let's talk about love. I'm not going to talk about boring finances. Let's talk about what I learned from the 2 months separation I've had with Job and the love triangle that formed within our relationship.

I know, I know. So anti-climactic and anti-romantic, right? Well, help me pray that on the next Valentine's Day, I'll be talking about something mushy and lovey dovey. We all want that, right?

But for now, I have accepted my season of waiting and planting. I have come to appreciate it, actually. Although the sting of "separation" is there, I am able to go through this phase with the grace of God. So let's talk about the separation first.

Last December, weeks before Christmas, Job and I have come to the decision to stop communicating. That was God's command. Now, it's a long story and I don't want to delve into the details, but you can read this blog post if you're interested.

It's been 2 months, and there are still days when I don't think I can get through the day without feeling the urgent need to talk to Job. It's a good thing we schedule weekly talks where we talk like crazy (I, mostly), but waiting until Sunday is hard. Then I realized this command is actually an exercise of faith. Much like physical workouts, this phase we are now in stretches our faith muscles. We grow in faith through struggles like this.

Image: faith1stministries.com

I learned and am learning a lot of things, and, being the sharer that I am, I'm going to share them with you (along with the prayer that God blesses you, too):

1. I need to cling onto God.

Last December and January, a couple of storms passed through Mindanao. They made landfalls during the days when Job and I didn't allow ourselves to talk to each other. And given the damage Yolanda had just brought to the country, not being able to know how the other was doing was driving us crazy!

In my case, all I heard were reports about damages in some parts of Surigao. Ironically (quite funnily, too), all Job heard on his side were news about Davao. The funny thing was both of our places were spared, so we were worrying about nothing.

But of course we didn't know that. All I did was worry and later on prayed. I prayed really hard that Job and his family would be safe and dry. It wasn't until Sunday when Job made me realize that we were helplessly clinging on to God. God placed us in a situation where we really could not do anything, and our only option was to cling onto him. And guess what? That's what God loves His children to do!

2. I need to exercise patience.

Patience is a virtue I practice, but I realized I needed to practice it more. On the other hand, while Job struggles with discipline - he sometimes finds himself struggling against not messaging me outside our designated day - I don't find this a problem. However, I struggle with waiting and, more importantly, waiting with a good attitude. 2 months later and I'm still counting the days before Sunday! Not that bad but I really need to be more patient.

3. I need to make the most out of limited time.

I have written in some old posts that my most often committed sin would be my short sweet temper. Unfortunately, Job had found himself on its receiving end many times. Now, though, because we only get to talk to each other one day a week, I find myself setting my pride aside to avoid anger.

There are still times when I get annoyed or provoked by something Job said (unintentionally usually!), but knowing the limited time we have, by God's grace, I am able to put my own emotions to the backburner.
And you know what? This applies not just to our own situation but also to life in general. If we always keep in mind the truth that our time is limited, perhaps we could be spending more time loving than getting frustrated!

Image: http://everlastingjesus.tumblr.com/

4. I need to value myself.

Like most moms, I often forget myself because I put others' needs before mine. This is not the statement of a martyr. It's the statement of an ordinary mom as I know most moms are like this.

Thankfully, God made me realize that I should love myself, too. God is the source of love, and if I have a personal relationship with Him, I need to absorb as much love as I can.

Don't get me wrong; Job fulfills my need for romantic love. However, I cannot depend on another person to complete me. It's God's job, and my job is to make sure I am able to fill myself with love so that I can also fill others' tanks with it.

I'm starting with the easy tasks. Reading actual books, eating healthy foods, exercising. And I love it. Who knows? Maybe I can actually visit a salon soon! Hee hee

5. I need to be value my other relationships.

This is a realization I have had even before we reached The Decision. I'm pretty sure God is making me wait now because I've been such a cr@ppy daughter, sister, and friend during the first year of my relationship with Job.

I know Job didn't have anything to do with it, but somehow, I was under the impression that I could treat anyone the way I wanted to because I was so secure in his company. And I really did treat everyone cr@ppily! I was barely home, ignoring calls from churchmates, breaking friendships with college classmates. The works.

Now I'm slowly building up what I alone have torn down, and Job has been awfully supportive. I call this my "reconciliation year" because i'm working on reconciling broken relationships.

6. Trust is an aspect God controls.

Many ask me, especially those who don't know Job and don't know me very much, how we could last in a long-distance barely-there-communication relationship. Simple: I don't know.

All I know is that there is a faithful God that sustains us. Honestly, there never was a time when I doubted Job's fidelity, and he tells me he never did, too. Although there are some pangs of insecurity, all we do is, again, cling onto God.

You see, you could never control a person. Even if you see each other everday, if a person wants to cheat, s/he will. This is an aspect that only God can control. Because we leave this to God, we don't have trust issues.

I can say that I trust Job because I know in my heart that he fears and loves the Lord. I don't want to sound conceited, but many women have tried to, you know. But I was never bothered not because I was confident of myself. Not because I was confident of his love. But because I am confident of his love for God.

I know and he knows he's accountable to the Lord. He often tells me that nothing could keep him from cheating, but he doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt God.

Yes, folks. He says he doesn't want to hurt God, not me. I guess this is the secret? Find a man with integrity and with a genuine fear of sinning. Find a partner who loves God before you.

He can say the same for me, too. He once told me that he has full confidence in me and had never doubted me even once. I can do whatever I want with the money he sends me! But I don't. To tell you the truth, I don't even touch it. This is not because I'm good but because Jesus is good, and I want to imitate him.

Image: http://borntomakeanimpact.tumblr.com/

7. A love triangle needs to be formed - with Jesus in the center.

It used to be just Job and me - period. Like what I mentioned above, I shunned all the other people around me. Well, aside from that, I also shunned God. In reality, He should not just be included in a relationship: He should be right smack in the middle of it.

It's easy to say but difficult to follow. What does placing Jesus in the center of a relationship really mean?

It means making Jesus the first and true love of our lives.

It means taking a step only when Jesus says "yes."

It means not taking a step when Jesus says "no."

It means clinging onto faith in something that is not seen (I'm pertaining to not only God himself but also our future).

It's denying ourselves of our selfish tendencies.

It's taking up our crosses - and our partners' crosses, too.

It is building our partners up even when we're down and broken.

It's understanding our partners even if they don't understand us.

It's respecting them when they're not respectable.

It's loving them when they're least lovable.

Why? Because that's how Jesus loves us. And when He's in the center of the relationship, we are supposed to love one another with the love of Jesus Christ.

It's hard. But the good news is that when Jesus is in the center of the relationship, He sustains us. Even if the love of our partners is undependable and imperfect, we always have Jesus' perfect and unfailing love.

Our situation is hard. I'm not claiming that I have the most difficult life because I don't, but this is one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It's not easy. It's an everyday battle, a battle that requires me to have a strong and steady front even when my heart is crumbling. It's a battle I (we) silently fight.

But I know that with God's grace, everything is gonna be okay.

Image: gwynethinprogress.wordpress.com

That's it. Happy Valentine's Day. :-)

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Of Answered Prayers, Salvation, and Little Sisters

When I first gave my life to Jesus in 2010, one of my most fervent prayers was salvation for my family. I backslid and returned to my old ways, but here I am now with renewed faith and hope in my Savior. Four years later, I cry out for the same thing: salvation for my loved ones.

The most unexpected thing happened last Saturday. My sister wanted to use the laptop and didn't ask permission from my parents, so she asked me. My parents were out so I was the "person in authority." Yes, kailangang naka-quotation marks. I allowed her on the condition that she only uses the laptop for 2 hours. She agreed.

More than 2 hours passed and she still wanted to use the laptop; she wanted to extend. Knowing her tendencies to get addicted, I stopped her. She got mad. I resorted to texting Mama, and she got even madder. To cut the long story short, she didn't speak to me for the rest of the afternoon.

By 4pm, we were talking again. If you have a sister, you'd know how these fights go. Meanwhile, I was still mad inside because she called me "liar" earlier when all I did was tell Mama the truth (long story). Still, God told me to show compassion to my younger sister, so I did - even though it was against my human nature.

(In hindsight, if I didn't listen to God then, I think the next events wouldn't have happened!)

That night, she asked for my help for her assignment. I was already fully recovered (much thanks to God's grace) and willingly helped. The assignment was to look for 3-5 Bible verses to turn into bookmarks. I thought to myself, "Oh, this might be a nice way to encourage her to read the Bible." But God has an even greater plan.

Since my sister is not much of a reader, I Googled websites containing verses that are made easy to understand for children. The page loaded and I allowed her to look for verses that spark her interest.

Lo and behold, this was the first verse she chose:

Acts 16:31
They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.”

When she showed it to me, it felt like I was bopped on the head. Well, it wasn't like that really, but I strongly felt God's urge for me to share the Gospel to my sister. It's like God was saying, "This is it, Maan. My divine intervention! Go for it! I'll be with you."

Wow, Lord. You continue to amaze me. I have asked for an opportunity to share the Gospel with my sister, and there it was, handed to me on a silver platter!

As if on cue, my ever-curious sister asked me, "Ate, anong ibig sabihin ng saved?"

Snapshots of my Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas! How did your celebrations go? Mine was pretty tiring, as most moms would understand. But fulfilling nonetheless! This Christmas was especially more fun because Yuri is now almost 2 years old and have a better grasp of excitement and enjoyment. To parents of infants who have to sleep through the entire celebration, have hope! Haha!

We didn't actually have a bonggang Noche Buena because we wanted a simple celebration. However, the celebration was still fun and meaningful. Here are some snapshots of how our Christmas went:

Christmas glasses

This is what happens to delicate macarons when there's a toddler in the house.

Ang pinaghirapan kong mango float teehee

Puto...

...and, you guessed it, dinuguan! My favorite, which I can only eat once a year. Boohoo.

Massive mound of raw embutido dough - another of my mother's specialty

Spaghetti, given by our American neighbor

Fruits from the palengke

Leftover goody from my mother's S&R stash

And this, too. 

We have 3 canisters of chocolate. First canister...

Is my heart in the right place?

One of the hardest challenges I've had to overcome since I became a Christian (and, come to think of it, even before I was a Christian) is obedience.

I don't remember when I became a strong-willed person who wanted to do what she wants to do, but I'm that person. It was a lot easier when I only needed to obey my parents because it was so easy to disobey when they didn't see me. However, when I surrendered my life to Christ, it became harder. Sure, in the first months of being a Christian, being Christ-like was very easy to do. It was euphoric. Then, I found out that as you mature, the temptations of the devil become stronger - or was it only me who got weaker? Either way, I found it even harder to obey.

For now, let's just leave it at that. I find it hard to obey, but I know I need to in order to please Jesus. The challenges come daily and in the most mundane of situations. In the context of being a work-at-home mom, I encounter different sets of trials than what you might encounter. Just yesterday, I experienced a couple of trials, where I found it hard to obey Jesus but through his grace, I was able to overcome.

First Situation
I began cloth-diapering Yuri just the other day, and we are still getting the hang of it. Honey, Yuri's yaya, is still getting the hang of laundering the diapers. They were easy to launder, but she doesn't know the right way of hanging them yet. I noticed that she hangs the inserts on the clothesline folded. Knowing how thick the inserts are, I was sure they will take 48 years to dry. So I went outside and hanged them properly.

After doing that, I wanted to show Honey the right way of hanging the inserts. To be honest, I was feeling a bit irritated that she did not know how to hang them properly. Just as I was entering the exit door (oxymoron?), I tripped. Yes, I tripped. My immediate thought was "Are you trying to tell me something, Lord?"

Jesus replied: Check your heart, Maan. Is it in the right place?

Right in our kitchen, I did. What was my intention in telling Honey about hanging the inserts? Was it simply to correct her and help her improve? Or was it to find fault and feel smug about it? I don't need to tell you what the answer was; all you need to know was that I didn't tell Honey about her mistake during that time.

Was it simple to obey? No. Was it worth it? I'm sure it was.

Second Situation