Slave of Stats: How Bloggers become Narcissists

Last night, I had an epiphany.

It all started when I came across an article circulating around my Facebook feed. It was about the connection between narcissism and taking selfies. Like what I usually do, I downloaded the article into my Pocket app to read it later in the evening.

I was confident enough to read it because I felt I wouldn't be affected (I barely take selfies). Midway through the article, I realized that one could replace the word "selfie" with "blog" and it might as well have been about a narcissist blogger.

Photo: www.123rf.com

I was taken aback because the article contained many parallels to blogging. Here they are:

1. A narcissistic person posts a selfie for likes. Do we, as blogger, write posts for hits?

2. When a narcissistic person takes a particularly hotter photo of himself, he expects more likes. When we exert more effort into a post, do we expect more hits and comments?

3. A narcissistic person "feels like shit" if her photo doesn't receive likes or comments. Do we feel the same when we don't get read?

4. A narcissistic person detaches himself from a poor photo of him, thinking it does not depict him as accurately as a good photo does. Do we, as bloggers, think that only our better-written posts define our blogs?

5. Finally, a narcissistic person's ego gets fueled easy through likes. As the number of likes increases, she begins to compare herself to others and think they are not as attractive as her. She views herself as better than others.

Do we, as bloggers, attempt to check other blogs' stats to assure ourselves that we are, in some way, better than them? Above them?

Do comments and hits and ranking get into our heads and fuel our ego?

I am affected because I've never been a narcissist. Because some points above are applicable to me, does it mean I'm becoming one?

I wanted to examine myself. Am I no longer blogging to capture memories? Am I now blogging for hits and followers? Who is the God of my blog?

Please don't get me wrong. I appreciate getting read because it means that somehow, somewhere, my written work made its way into another person's life. Affected her. Inspired her. Made her chuckle. Annoyed her and made her decide never to visit this blog again.

However, I don't want to make "getting up there" as my ultimate purpose. I don't want to get tied to stats. I don't want to check my stats every now and then. I don't want to lose sleep over performance issues. Like the thought of my blog not getting the same number of hits as it did yesterday. Because these are superficial. Egotistic. Narcissistic.

But to tell you honestly, these things are getting to me. I check my stats a few times a day. I want to know how many hits I've gotten. I take pride in getting read.

What I wanted to do was just blog for the sake of telling stories, taking photos, keeping memories, making something that my family can read in 20 years.

Those used to be my purpose. Now, I'm not so sure. Why am I doing this? Who am I blogging for?

I want to prove to myself that it's not too late to stop being a narcissist blogger. That I can actually blog without committing sin of pride. Here's my challenge to myself (and to you, if you want):

1. Stop looking at my own blog's stats for 10 days. It's gonne be hard to do with Blogger (because you know how the dashboard is), but I'll still try.

2. Stop looking at other blogs' stats, hits, and number of comments. Be happy for those that are doing well and don't get competitive.

3. Just don't care too much about how many times I get read. Instead, focus on how I can make an impact on those who read me.

Not all bloggers are narcissistic. I can see who are and who are not. It's their choice actually and I laude the latter who just blog for the sake of blogging. No politics. No competition. No stroking of ego.

I want to be like those bloggers. I want to stay true to my purpose. Now, am I ready to take on the challenge? How about you? I say let's do it!