I was an extremely selfish person. I could not bear to part with what I have and all I cared about was having more and more -- until I became a mother.
I didn't become a generous person overnight. It was a long process, actually, that involved me having to accept that life isn't just about myself. Now, I had to take care of a stranger in the form of a baby, who is helplessly dependent on me. I suddenly can't buy the things I usually buy for myself. I suddenly can't do the things a normal person does -- read books, take a shower, eat on time, brush my teeth. I suddenly had to prioritize a screaming baby over my own wants and needs.
But what I realized is that life owes me nothing. I realized that this is what I am made to do: become a good mother. What encouraged me to work on becoming a good mother is the generosity of other people.
My boyfriend, although he is not here personally, never fails to communicate with me even in the wee hours of the day so that I can have company while I rock my baby to sleep.
My family, whom I utterly neglected and disobeyed, supported me in all aspects of baby-raising.
My friends, even though they didn't need to, would always ask how my day was.
Friends of the family would drop at the house bringing stuff my baby can use: from small things, such as baby clothes and shoes, to bigger things, like a crib and a stroller. I saved a lot just from these "donations!" Haha!
I can only return this heaping dose of generosity with a hope that I can give a part of myself to others:
I give a part of myself to my baby daily by breastfeeding him. I may have selfish reasons on doing this, but my primary reason is that breast milk is the best for him. And I don't want anything but the best for my baby.
I try to become a better, more understanding girlfriend. Admittedly, I am the one who always likes picking fights, but I realized I cannot be so selfish to only think about my own issues. Even though he doesn't say it out loud, my boyfriend has problems, too, which outweigh my own.
I give back to my family. Last year, even though I was working, I hardly gave them anything. This year, I don't care if I can buy anything for myself because I will treat them to a vacation in my father's hometown in Cebu.
Finally, I pray harder now. I pray for more people: my baby, my boyfriend, my family, his family, friends, strangers, people on the news, people who need help. I realized that I simply cannot be selfish with my prayers. If all I can give is my time to pray, I will gladly do that.
How can I not do these things if I am so blessed in life? I have so many people around me who support and love me unconditionally. It kills me not to be able to give back. I commit to becoming a more generous person who is not afraid to give.
I have been a mother for only almost six months, but I can say that I am a better, more generous person all because I was moved and am loved.
