The Joys and Sorrows of 2014

I didn't have a year-ender post ready. In fact, I have not been up to blogging lately; I "forced" myself to write posts just so that my blog gets updated. It's not because I lost my mojo; it's because of the fact that this is the first Christmas season I faced as a yaya-less mother.

And I had been so busy.

I planned to just write something over the weekend to post on Monday, but last night (or early this morning, as I didn't get to sleep after Media Noche), I came across the post of one of my sorority sisters, which inspired me to write a similar one.

Can you, like, read it? Haha. Happy new year! 🎆🎉🎇🎊

A photo posted by Marie Angeli Laxa (@maanlaxa) on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:15am PST

2014 was certainly a rollercoaster ride for most of us. I can only speak for myself, though. I experienced many joys and sorrows, and I now realize that both are testimonies to the goodness and sovereignty of God. He is in charge. No matter what mistakes and wrong decisions we make, if we repent, God can still use them for his glory.

With this realization in mind, here are the joys and sorrows that God used in 2014 for His glory:

FAITH

SORROW: I very recently backslid - a little - in faith. I underwent a spiritual attack, and this is one of the reasons why I didn't have the drive to write. I don't know; suddenly, I couldn't pray and I kept doing this specific thing that I had already rebuked when I became a Christian years ago. It was a low moment.

JOY: But God helped (helps) me overcome the weakness. It was a struggle but God sent trials along the way to shake me up. There were warnings after warnings and finally, I stopped doing the sin that I kept on doing. Just like that. Some of you may be skeptical, but that's always the way God works in my life: perfectly.

LOVE

SORROW: Well, I'm still not with Job - physically. My family is still technically incomplete, and there are times when I question whether we should keep waiting or not.

JOY: But the strength of our relationship is a testimony to how faithful God is. Everyday, it reminds me that we just have to wait for God's perfect timing. For the record, I can't count how many astonished glances I've seen whenever I mention that we are in a long-distance relationship. We had been in an LDR for 3 years. Frankly, I know we can't do it alone; I would have been astonished, too. But we need to completely depend on God for this relationship to work, and I have to tell you that because of the dependence, the relationship is a lot easier and smoother to manage.

Source: biblia.com

STRENGTH

If you have to marry your partner where you met them, where would that be?

I just saw this photo on my Facebook feed today and it caught my attention. I was like, thank goodness I don't have to do that because if I have to marry Job at the place where we met each other, it would be at the....

hospital.

Long story! Let's just say he and my brother (who did not know each other) met separate vehicular accidents almost at the same time. It sounds funny now, but I pray that never happens again! :D

Now, what about you? If you have to marry your partner where you met them, where would that be?

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What I Want for my Birthday

I'm an old soul.

This Saturday, I'll be 24, but to tell you the truth, I feel much much older. Not physically (thank God!) but emotionally and mentally and, maybe, spiritually, too. And I attribute this not to motherhood.

My 2-year old made this "cake" for me. It was modeled after his own car-themed birthday cake. He said "Pi burtday to you!"

Let me tell you a secret: 

Ever since I started school, when I was around 5 or 6 years old, I already felt much older than my classmates. Ironically, I was always one year younger than all of my classmates all throughout my academic "career," but it didn't feel that way. Somehow, I just felt more mature than they were. And many can attest to that. In fact, when I was in first grade, I felt happier to be around with my friends' moms than with them.

I have the feeling that being an old soul was one of the things that helped me cope with motherhood so easily!

I am thankful, though, that to strike the balance, I also have a young heart. Win-win, right?

So this year, I'm turning 24. Still very young, but I love to think I am more mature than the rest of my peers. After all, I'm mothering a 2-year old! I guess this old soul of mine has also affected the things that I want to attain in my life.

I think I got into the phase of being materialistic for only a short while in my life - that was when I started being a working student back in college. Today, while material things give me temporary joy, I aim to have "higher" standards of happiness. For my 24th year, these are some of what I hope to achieve with God's grace and in his divine timing:

To Fall for the Second Time

Job and I talked over the phone last night.

If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you would understand how special those phone calls are.

And in a different kind of long-distance relationship like ours, where we both agreed to minimize communicating in order to grow in our personal relationships with the Lord first, these phone calls are almost like a piece of heaven on earth.

We do talk every week, but last night's talk left a different impression on me. I don't know.  We didn't talk about anything new or anything really "special." In fact, all we did was the usual: updated each other, listened to Yuri talk and sing, talk some more, laughed. But, I don't know. I felt like I was really contented to just keep quiet and listen to him drone on and on about mundane stuff.

And when we laughed together, I felt more than the usual longing that I feel every time we talk. That night, I almost felt my heart jump. For the first time (in forever?), I finally understood what heartstrings were and how they can be tugged by such a normal thing as laughter.

I felt I was falling in love with him for the second time.

And I wanted to tell him that because recently, he told me I wasn't being expressive anymore. At first, I took offense but later on realized that he was right. I wasn't thinking of the relationship anymore. It's probably because I felt secure in it, which is good, but security shouldn't mean being lax. So I've been making the effort to be more expressive.

But I discovered that saying "I love you" is much easier than saying "I'm falling in love with you" or "I'm falling in love with you again." For a person like me who is not, by nature, affectionate, while the former comes naturally (and, sometimes, automatically), the latter is actually quite scary.

But I did it. I told him that I could listen to him talk about church, his job, his start-up "mini-farm," what he read in the Bible, and what he loves about Yuri forever. I told him that just listening to him laugh got me all "kilig." Is there even an accurate translation for that? I don't think so hehe.

I told him I think I just fell in love with him again. It's not in my nature to do that, but I did, because he deserves to know that after all these years, he still has that effect on me.

The funny thing is that the night before that, I asked God for clearer guidance for our relationship. God put this thought in my head: Because you asked me to take control of your life, do not worry, for your thoughts and feelings are mine.

And God placed this feeling in my heart for Job for a reason. He even magnified it last night.

Photo: walkuponwaters.tumblr.com

I didn't think it was possible to keep on falling in love with the same person. I thought love was a process. You get interested in a person, you discover his personality, you fall in love, you get to know each other more, and you get comfortable with each other so that you feel as if you've known each other forever. And that's it, a linear process, not a circular one.

But what I just felt last night was wonderful. I felt that God placed the feeling of falling in love again in my heart so that, finally and ultimately, I will stop worrying and realize that this feeling is from Him and nothing is wrong with it.

To be completely honest, though I'm crazy about Job, last night's feeling was less about him and more about God. It was like He was telling me that He wouldn't place such an immense feeling in my heart if He didn't have great plans for the relationship.

Photo: typographicverses.com

What a wonderful promise.

How about you? Have you ever felt the same with the person you love? I'd love to hear your story!

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