2012 has been a roller coaster ride for me. No kidding. I started the year very clumsy and bloated; I was already 7-months pregnant with Y when January rolled in. And I was blowing chunks, literally. Apparently, pregnancy does not sit well with my body and I had "morning" sickness all throughout the ordeal.
Then, for the first time ever, I gave birth and became a mom. Y's first months with me were very hard because he had to remain admitted in the hospital. I also had postpartum depression. I used to think it was just baby blues, but looking back, I now know it was depression, which was a result of too many factors - which I won't elaborate any longer.
However, the good things that happened to me this year are far too many compared to, well, the not-so-good things. I'm thankful for so many good things that I don't think I even deserve, but I got, because of God's grace. To sum up this year's blessings, here are the 12 things this year that I'm very thankful for:
12 - I'm thankful for being comfortable in my own skin.
I cut my hair this year, and thanks to a misunderstanding with the
parlorista, my hair was cut very short, this short:
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| Not the most flattering photo of me: taken last April, I think |
Sure, for the first few days, I spent a lot of time wondering if I can ever go out again. However, logic got the better of me. Who cares how I look like when I go out? Most probably, people will look at Y (who was just almost 2 months at the time) and not at me.
Then, eventually, I started going out by myself. I don't know how but the simple logic got replaced by self-confidence - which stuck to me until now. Now, I can wear dresses, shorts, anything that I usually am too self-conscious to wear. I'm no longer self-conscious ; I can walk knowing that I look good simply because I feel good - maybe because I know I am loved. :-)
11 - I'm thankful for this blog.
I have been blogging since 2008, but it's only
this year that I took blogging really seriously. I'm thankful because this blog has been an excellent outlet for me. Working from home discounts me off the benefits of having someone to talk to (read: officemates), so what I did was talk to this blog. I'm also thankful that I was able to buy my own domain name; even though I don't have a
huge readership (yet), just seeing my dot com makes me feel like I really, truly, own this nook in cyberspace.
10 - I'm thankful for knowing who my true friends are.
I have spent most of my college life with a
lot of friends and org-mates. Then, when I graduated, my circle narrowed down to a trusted few, with whom I shared my utmost feelings and thoughts. Around August this year, a couple of those
trusted friends suddenly stopped speaking to us, and I don't even know why. Seriously, I don't even go outside the house. But I let it go already. If they decide to come back, I'll demand for an explanation, but I'll take them back, like I always do. However, I'm thankful for the handful of friends left with me. We may not see each other often, but I know they'll be there for me when I need them - just like how I'll always be here for them.
9 - I'm thankful for having the capacity and desire to give.
For the longest time, I excused myself from giving to others because I thought I needed help, too. I had this "poverty mindset," where I thought I can't possibly give because I can't even afford the things I like. However, God made me realize that by giving, I become richer. Maybe not in the financial sense, but I become richer because I am able to liberate myself from material possessions and even money.
8 - I'm thankful for having a trustworthy Yaya.
I wouldn't have been able to do or experience half of the things I did and experienced this year without Honey, Y's yaya. I'm thankful for being able to find a yaya that is not only trustworthy, but also loves Y as if he's her own little brother. She's still very young and has a lot of flaws (don't we all?), but I'm really very thankful I have her to mind over my baby while I work - and earn.
7 - I'm thankful for being able to bond with my family.
This year, I was able to strengthen my bond with my immediate family. Frankly, from the time I set foot in the university and until I started working, I barely saw my family. I was always too busy with academics, extra-curricular activities, church (not that it's not important), and my boyfriend. Now that I'm working at home and taking care of Y, I see them everyday. More importantly, I'm now able to "treat" them sometimes, which makes me feel better as the oldest daughter in the family.
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| Right before we left for Cebu: my mom asks for your forgiveness for still wearing pambahay slippers. |
6 - I'm thankful for being able to meet my relatives from Cebu.
While most of our relatives (father-side) live in Cebu, we are raised in Davao City. This means we barely see them. In my case, I never even saw most of my relatives before. So when we had a chance to stay in Cebu last
October, I couldn't be more thrilled to finally meet the rest of the Laxa clan. And Y, at the tender age of 7 months, was already able to ride a plane for the first time!
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| With some of my cousins in Cebu's IT park (tama ba?) |
5 - I'm thankful for my ability to breastfeed.
Even when I was still a child, I already had my mind set on
breastfeeding my children. I didn't know why; my mom didn't even breastfeed us exclusively. So I guess it's DOH's doing. Good job, DOH! Anyway, I'm very thankful that despite Y's
birth mishaps, I am able to breastfeed him with virtually no problems. Sure, it hurt like hell the first time, but I was able to adjust soon enough and we never had a problem with latch. :-)
4 - I'm thankful that I have the perfect job.
I can't be more thankful for the
job I currently have. If you read my blog regularly, perhaps you've had enough of me saying that it's everything I could ask for. I've been working in Netsourcephil since July 2011, but I only decided to work with them full-time this year, when I resigned from my office job to take care of Y. And now I know it's probably one of the best decisions I have ever made.
3 - I'm thankful that I am able to "spoil" myself sometimes.
Aside from being able to spend as much time as I like with Y, the other perk of my job is that it pays quite nicely. It has already afforded me a few gadgets, which I all bought on cash basis. While none of my gadgets are considered high-end (hello, I don't even have a single Apple gadget), I value them dearly because I paid for them with my own money.
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| Yes, I succumbed... |
Then, I am also able to shop for things that I don't really need but admittedly want. And I am also able to give other people special treats - or something like that. I do need to avoid being overly attached to material possessions, but I am thankful I can finally afford to buy nice things for myself and for other people.
2 - I'm thankful that I can talk to J everyday.
If I can be granted one wish right now, I would wish that J were here instead of there. However, I can't be more thankful that I met someone like him. He never gave up on our relationship, even though it is too complicated. He makes ways to talk to me
everyday, even if that means going out in the rain to "make pa-load." Hehehe. But the simple gestures get to me, you know. And I know I wouldn't have to worry about him because I know he loves me and Y too much.
1 - I'm thankful I can be there everyday for Y.
You wouldn't think I can sum up this year without a special entry for Y, would you? I'm a proud mommy, and I think I have all the bragging rights in the world simply because for each of his milestones, I have been there. I never missed any of his firsts, and I plan to remain standing here, watching and supporting Y, while he does more of his firsts. And for this, I am very, very thankful.
