We Were Merely Freshmen

Someone in my Facebook feed shared a photo of our first batch encounter way back (n) years ago. I won't specify dates, but if you can look at the photos, you'll see how most girls wore boot-leg jeans. That should give you an idea.

And oh, the UP Mindanao atrium's walls weren't painted yet. And there was still a giant "ashtray" in the middle of it. And smoking wasn't yet bawal. And the roads were not paved. There, so many hints na.

The photo shared was one of a course different from mine, so I kind of stalked the original owner to look for the complete album. I didn't know the poster but I'm sure she was years ahead of me.

Anyway, I finally found the album and was pleasantly surprised to see many photos. Back when digital wasn't very common, this was a feat! I was even more surprised to see a photo of my bloc - which included me!

Credits to the photo owner, Tata Sua Peronilla.

We were few but not that few. This photo had more upperclassmen than freshmen, and many of my classmates were probably on the opposite side.

Can you spot me?

It's fine if you don't. It wouldn't surprise me because my own sister couldn't spot me at all! It took maybe five minutes before she recognized the shirt I wore. Yes, the shirt, not me, and that's because I gave the said shirt to her. Grabe!

So if you couldn't spot me, here's me:

I was a teenager who just turned 16 then. I badly wanted to go to UP since I was a child, and in high school, I didn't take any test other than the UPCAT. Thank God I passed. My first choice was UP Diliman, and my second was UP Cebu, but - reality check - my parents couldn't afford to send me to a far campus, so I asked to be transferred to the Mindanao campus.

I didn't know anyone. Many of my friends were also UP-passers but decided not to attend UP (because nursing), so I was the only one from my high school during that year. I didn't know what to aspect, and it was my first time to be away from home. It was nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time.

I could almost taste the chicken-flavored cup noodles in my mouth.

(Nobody cared about nutrition when I was in college; that's what I clearly remember!)

I surely don't remember anything that took place during that first bloc encounter - except that I probably was looking for cute boys - but I was always an adapter. I always tried to fit in. Obviously, someone took a picture of us, and it captured young me trying to take it all in and mustering all the confidence I could get.

I don't remember anything, but I smile when I look at the smile I had on the photo. My dear friend,George, said I had a lovely smile; I rather think of it as innocent. Would 16-year old me have known she won't see this photo taken of them until almost 10 years after? Would she have known that she won't see it until after she's graduated and, wait for it, has had a son?

I didn't know that. I didn't even know who my seatmates were. But now I know better. I know who would become her friends and, later on, true friends. I also know what she'd be doing in the next semester, in the next year, and in the years after that. The girl in the photo looked forward to meeting someone in college but would never have imagined getting her heart broken a number of times. She never would have thought she'd still get bullied in college. She'd never have expected to enter a sorority and to love being in it. She'd never have known she'd graduate after 4 years still the same person - but very different.

She would never have expected to get pregnant so soon, but she needs to know that she would love being a mom to the son of her first true love. Oh, the stuff a young teenager could only dream of but this particular teenager never did.

This person and me look so much alike (disregarding my sister's opinion), but we couldn't be more different. This person was young and idealistic; I'm now more mature and trying to be more accepting of our sinful nature. This person was a budding independent woman, a proto-power career woman; I am now very dependent on God and his mercy. This person viewed academics as everything; now I value learning over schooling. This person only thought of herself and her ambitions; now I have higher ambitions and dreams but mostly not for myself.

I want to say that I am a better person now, and in some ways, it's true. Understanding God's love and mercy, falling in love with a man after God's heart, and mothering a future man of God have made me the woman that I am now. But the truth is I know I'm still so so far from the woman I am meant to become. And for that I am glad because I look forward to the journey I have yet to take, excited even!

This made me think. Five or ten years from now, what would older me think of current me? What changes will happen to me? In what ways will I become better? What aspects of my life would differ? Would the older me laugh at my naivete or approve of the "wisdom" I love to think I have?

Only God knows and it's truly exciting to find out how in the future, I would still be completely the same but totally different.