When my toddler was still a baby, I swore I will never nag or bribe because I know these will never result to anything good. But now, out of desperation, I find myself either nagging to death or bribing my son with a toy or a treat to make him follow me.
The book, "Motivate Your Child" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN BSN, is what I need.
Image from Amazon
The book basically focuses on how many parents today are using external methods of motivating their children. Yes, these include nagging and bribing, and these are very misdirected. These result to short-term effects where the child obeys just to either avoid punishment or get the reward.
Nagging is tiresome. On the other hand, if your child was exposed to a reward system that is basically bribing, you have no choice but to "outdo" the last reward. I actually see this in my sister today who, before obeying, will ask, "What is in it for me?"
The book then ultimately says that the best way to motivate a child is to motivate them internally. The writers call this form of parenting "heart parenting." What does it mean?
This approach entails removing the external reward-consequence system and looking into the root of the matter: the heart.
Through training a child well and teaching him how to do things because they are the right thing to do and not because of a reward or punishment, the child will be motivated to do good. The writers describe this as guiding a child along the way instead of merely taking him to the destination.
In other words, the purpose of this approach is to help children form godly integrity. This is, of course, done by following the parenting approach that the Bible prescribes.
I love this book because everything it says make sense! Subtitled "A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told," it lives up to its promise of helping parents around the globe raise children who want to do good simply because they need to do good in order to please God. It addresses a problem that today's instant gratification society sees everywhere, and it makes every reader think. I love that it strongly incorporates Biblical pieces of advice, cementing its message about the heart parenting approach.
Also, the book is very easy to read. It doesn't overwhelm the readers with complicated terms and concepts that they don't really need. Instead, despite being written by two academics, every concept in the book is clear and simple. In fact, I even read the book during my commute to class, and I understand it! Then it also has several examples of parenting including side-by-side comparisons of external and internal motivation. Through these, heart parenting becomes easy to apply at home.
I am now trying to apply some of the things I learned from this book at home. For example, rather than telling Yuri to behave by bribing him with a toy or a book, I would just tell him to behave because it's what Jesus wants him to do. I tell him that because we want Jesus to be happy, we should behave and obey. So far, it is working, but from time to time, I plan to consult this book (and, more importantly, the Bible) for guidance.
DISCLOSURE: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers review program. I was not required to write a positive review, and all opinions I have expressed are my own.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you like this post? Never miss out again when you click on the cute bunny below:
Or by entering your email here:
